I've been trying to write something in here for the last couple of days. I'm not sure whether it's because I've been feeling pretty good about things, or whether I'm reconsidering whether my family knowing *everything* about me is such a good thing. It's something I'm going to have to decide conclusively one way or the other.
I was out for a few beers on Friday night, a few people have commented about me being different. More relaxed, happy maybe. I guess then that there's a difference between my "performance" of happy and real happy. Had another couple yesterday watching the football, also had a wee smoke. I don't suppose substituting puff for booze is a good thing. But I've been quite enjoying doing it as a "treat". Not like these people who habitually sit and get stoned out of their box. I think that's wrong.
I can feel a general low this morning though. Which is to be expected I suppose, I've not been boozing a lot this week, but I think I've had a couple of beers every night. I guess that's a combination of a few different things, but still I'm gonna try not to have anything until next Friday at the earliest.
I was speaking to the missus of a friend of mine who I played some guitar for the other week. She was telling me about an Open Mic night not far from here that I should go to. She told me that said friend was "blown away" when I played for him. HA...Aww Shucks...
Anyway,yea..I think I'll go check it out this week. Then if I think I can hold my own I'll give it a go. We'll see.
I think I really need a burd. More than ever. This is the first proper "barren spell" in 6 or so years. I'm beginning to realise why I think people "give up" and take something rather than nothing. When you're young, at school, or uni or whatever. Your opportunities for burds are far more plentiful, so you don't *really* worry about it much. But as you get older these opportunities dissipate somewhat, so maybe that's what happens. You see these opportunities getting less and less frequent so you start thinking maybe you should get a hold of something before it's too late.
I don't think I'm quite at that stage just yet, but it makes a bit more sense to me. I spoke to a friend of mine the other week, he's just finished with a woman he's been with for around 12 years. He's 38 and was 26, same age as me now, when he started seeing her. That frightens me. I could get a burd, spend the next 12 years of my life with her then end up in the same position as this poor cunt?! Fuckin' Hell... Fuck that.
I guess *getting* a burd should be top of my agenda as opposed to figuring out when we'll split up when I do get one! Haha... Fuck sake, this fuckin' mind of mine. Why can't it just accept that somethings good things can happen? And that sometimes "people can actually be warm, wondrous animals" (if you're reading this, thanks for that.)
I've started my book, it'll likely be a sack of shite. But fuckit, like this and the songs I write, I don't give a fuck if it's all shite. I'm doing it all for me. No one else.
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