Am I happy that she spoke to me?  Fuck knows... I wanted to speak to her all day, but I never.  I stood firm.  And I got that wee excited summersault in my stomach when she did speak to me.  I just don't fuckin know how to get myself out of this mindset.  It's a waste of time, I've turned the whole thing into a big fuckin joke with everyone.  I've become a fuckin clown, a fuckin pathetic cunt that people will just take the cunt out of.  And that's all my own fault, from how much I've gone on about her to the number of people that I've bored with the same empty stories that mean nothing except in the fuckin warped reality of my head.

She had a good time by the way, for anyone that's interested.

And tomorrow I'll listen to how much of a good time she had, and worry about the work "Staff Day" on Friday where I'll get pished and play guitar and feel shite, lamenting on how wonderful she is and how my life is so tragic because I'm not with her. 

WHAT A USELESS CUNT!!..

How can I get out of this?  I don't want to be friends with her...  But I don't want to be a cunt about the whole thing.  And really any facade of being her friend, is in reality, playing the long game and hoping that one day she'll realise how wonderful I really am and how much she wants me.  Yea... something like that.

Apart from that the weekend hasn't been too bad.  Went out on Friday night for a girl at work's leaving "do".. (I fuckin hate that phrase a "do"... what the fuck does it mean?...)  Anyway, it was cool... At the end of the night it was me, the girl who was leaving and another girl from work in the pub.  I must have looked quite the homosexual with my 2 fag-hags.  It was a good laugh though.

Yesterday I had a friend come over, we watched football, drank beer and ordered takeaway.  Proper man shit.  My housemate was away to London to see Coldplay, Jay-Z and Girls Aloud.  Fuckin result if you ask me, a Saturday at home without him around.

And today I tried to finish off some work.  Didn't manage to finish it, but not too far off.  And it was good really to just spend time on my own, doing something constructive instead of wanking myself into oblivion.

Anyway... The leg is still sore, although I haven't been taking the pills.  I took one on Friday night just for the craic really, I know that's daft so no lectures please. 

And that is about that... Same old boring shite that I seem to be writing in every entry these days.  I guess I could start hacking bits out my arm or firing down more drugs to colour things in a wee bit.  I'm just kidding... no more of that business, claret just isn't my colour.