This is an interesting entry to the blog to say the least.
As part of the whole "opening up" process yesterday, and opening up the blog to a whole new audience - my old man came across it and read the whole shabang. I doubt it was too difficult for him to figure out it was me.
It's difficult now, because there is part of me that obviously doesn't want my family worrying about me. But it's pointless writing the blog if I'm not going to be 100% honest. The thing is, and I know this is easy to say - but there is nothing really to worry about. I know something isn't right with me and I'm getting it sorted. It can't be easy for a parent to read that their "child" isn't living in eternal sunshine, let alone reading that they are pretty fuckin' low.
I think the worst thing for him was the whole hurting myself business. Which of course must be worrying - but as I've said throughout, it's all to do with dealing, or not dealing with stuff... and about a way of getting the feelings that I've not dealt with out of me. Just my way of doing it. But after going to these sessions with "the woman", I don't think I'll ever do it again. She's been able to explain why I do it, and explain that I can do other things. Things that first of all don't hurt me (which is nice) and things that I can keep, and look back at them. In the same way I can look back on this.
I've got to keep going with it though. I can't stop now. And I've got to continue to be 100% honest with myself. Otherwise there's no fuckin' point.
I'm upset that I've upset and worried him, but I'm pleased that I can speak to him about this now. Maybe I should have dealt with it better, but there ye go. I've dealt with it in my usual elaborate fucked up manner. Ha!
Anyway, I have another appointment with "the woman" today. And I'm really looking forward to it. A few people have also given me some amazing advice. "Keep a success diary" being one of the best. I think I'll keep that in mind, keep track of when I feel good and what areas of my life are good.
Finally, to all those with the kind words of encouragement from yesterday. And to those who have sent me a message to say that reading this has helped them in some way. I truly thank you for taking the time to both read it, and get in touch. And I hope that anyone who reads the ramblings of this fool will get something out of it.
Be the first to rate this post
- Currently 0/5 Stars.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5