And now I think it's time to move again. My life here is done, I've mentioned that a few times. To *decide* to live where I'm living, when I'm drifting along, not *building* a future, is just crazy.
I've made a few close mates that will be my mates forever now. People who have done for me what I expect of a friend, the people who I would do anything for. I've also met people who I regarded as friends, but when it comes down to it. They're not. They're people that I work with. People who I have *expected* to *be* something....something important I guess. And it just hasn't materialised.
But what does that matter. This has been my decision, to stay somewhere that I could never be happy. Never fulfill things that I want to do in my life. And ultimately this must have contributed to my general unhappiness.
This unassailable pursuit is getting to me now. Discussions that go nowhere, feeling like a fucking kid. Fuckit, what can I do. I just need to keep going, hopefully just shear persistance will get me somewhere. I'm getting "in deep" though. And I think it's something that could really be a bad contribution to my mental wellbeing.
I think I want to change my career, I don't like my work anymore. By default I say I do, just cos I always have. I've loved my job. Loved the pressure, everything that came along with that. But I just feel like I can't do it any more. I'm fed up with that part of my life.
I had another meeting with "the woman" today. She reckons that this head is to do with overloading the work/logical part of my brain, and my creative/artistic side of the brain needs to be more utilised. Maybe some time away from everyone, playing guitar, drawing pictures, writing songs... Maybe that's what I need.
I know for sure what I don't need. I don't need this town, this job, these people....this country.
Currently rated 5.0 by 1 people
- Currently 5/5 Stars.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5