So yea, I think yesterday I took too many pills.  I was proper fucked when I got home from work.  Crashed out on the sofa for a couple of hours and woke up like I'd been on the piss for 3 days.  Feeling not too bad today other than this bird flu/man flu/whatever the fuck has taken over my body the last wee while.   It's probably something serious, but nevermind.

I had a brainwave today, yea.. another one... (I think this could be the start of some sort of mental episode, but let's hope not).  Anyway, I decided that I wanted to learn more about music recording and production.  So I thought that I'd find a wee studio locally, and offer to do them a website in order for me to pretty much work for them for free and learn how to do the whole thing.  Ultimately ending in me recording more of my stuff.  On that note actually, I'm going to a friend of a friend on Saturday to record some of my stuff, as well as a couple of songs that I didn't write the lyrics for from a couple of friends.  Really looking forward to it.

Anyway, back to the main story... I managed to find a studio around here, and suddenly remembered a drunken conversation with another friend who told me she knew a guy with a recording studio.  So I figure that given the size of this place it must be the same guy, that would be a result.  Sure he wouldn't knock back a free website (his current one is a bit shit), with me working there for fuck all (although I'm not a fuckin tea boy) as well as the fact we have a mutual friend!?  Surely...yea?... maybe... We'll see...

I'd love to learn more about the whole recording thing, I know next to fuck all and I still really enjoy pissing around with different things.  Plus this would be a hobby that I could enjoy without going to the pub and getting pissed out my tree.  Then when I'm a producer extraordinaire I'll make a fortune from that.  Fkn easy innit...?

Like I mentioned before, I don't think I'll ever be a rockstar anymore... But I'm fuckin' loving writing, recording, playing and all that business.  Surely that's what it's all about?  Doing something you enjoy, because you enjoy it.  Not to try and get you somewhere else.  Of course I'd love it if everyone else loved the music I made too.  But so fuck if they don't, I'm doing it for me.  If one person gets something out of it, then that's amazing. 

I've changed for sure.  I'm more content with myself in terms of material things.  I'm not as concerned with having loads of money anymore, I'm don't have a need to be adored anymore. I don't want to be a Mafia Don anymore, well...maybe... just for a wee while.

It's all positive things I reckon.  And now that I'm sitting here typing about it, it gives me a wee bit of hope that I'll maybe like myself a bit more one day too.  See what other people see in me.  Understand why people want to spend time with me.  Because right now, all I see is that I'm a cunt.

One step at a time though eh?

[edit] Yer man emailed me back and said that he'd be delighted to go ahead with that idea!  Whoohoo!! I feel all excited, like a kid at Christmas! [/edit]