Going out in Oxford tonight. Cousin Joe is coming down for the weekend, really looking forward to having him around. He's a good guy. Will try not to get too fucked up, but we'll see... I had a few beers and a smoke last night. Smoking has got to go, for sure. It makes you so apathetic to everything I reckon. Fuck knows... I'll likely still buy some tonight and get fucked up. But at least I'll try not to. Damn you complete-lack-of-self-control!
Speaking of self control... I've decided to change my masturbatory regime somewhat. I feel that it may be getting out of hand, or perhaps it's the fact that it's never out my hand that's the issue. Anyway, upon reading some advice I think I should limit myself to 2 a week. Treat it like a "date". Make an evening of it, cook myself a nice meal, maybe watch a movie with a bottle of wine then do the dirty deed.
I've always been of the opinion that you shouldn't really go out "with a loaded gun", but I think that having said "loaded gun" gives you a bit more confidence in talking to girls. It also lowers your standards somewhat. So I think I'll go out, have a few pints with my loaded gun firmly (phnar phnar) in my pocket. Could get a bit reckless.
Anyway, enough wank talk.
I have felt a sense of recklessness recently. Like, thinking about becoming a drug dealer because I hear the money is quite good and I couldn't give a flying fuck if I got caught and locked up for 15 years. Obviously that's not a sound career or life choice. But it's kinda how I feel right now. this "reckless" element to my thoughts. A lot of "fuckit's" and "who give's a fuck" and so on and so forth... But fuckit...who knows... bleh...Ha...
I feel quite strange today, not really down. Had some teary business this morning in the car, but nothing major. I don't feel anything really. Not happy, or sad or indifferent or anything. Just a general nothingness. Which I think I'm quite enjoying. Enjoying the mediocrity of life I guess. Viva La Mediocridad!! Hahaha.... Fuckin' loonball.
Anyways... I guess there's nothing else worth writing right now. I guess I'll have something to whinge and moan about tomorrow when I'm languishing in my own wee world of self pity and bleakness, while suffering terribly from the "hangover horn". Oh how I'm looking forward to that!
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