Mood is low tonight. Been thinking about my ex quite a bit today and feeling pretty down about the whole thing. It was 2 years ago around about this time that we had the abortion, and I feel pretty shite about it. I also think part of my low mood is because I haven't done as much work over the weekend as I wanted to. Ahh fuck it... I'm gonna try and not get too down about it.
I'm gonna stay up late tonight and do as much as I can and try and forget about the whole thing.
It's been good though, 4 days of general happiness. And knowledge that I am at least capable of feeling good means that the future doesn't seem quite so bleak.
Been thinking about getting a tattoo the last few days. I'm not really that into them in all honesty, but I figured that if my cuts serve as some method to remind me to be depressed, then I could get a tattoo to remind me that things can also be pretty fuckin' good. I'm not sure what I should get, so I'm going to make sure I take my time and don't end up with something tacky and shite. But I think it's something worth doing.
The whole abortion thing is never going to leave me is it? This time every year it's going to creep into my head that I was a horrible bastard isn't it? I can only try and deal with it as best I can I suppose. And try and remember all the reasons why it was the right thing to do at the time. Would it be a good thing to have a kid living with my ex girlfriend somewhere else in the country, with me feeling like this and then "locked in" to living in this part of the world.
Ahh, who knows....
My head is really troubling me tonight, my leg is in fuckin agony and I'm struggling to concentrate on what I'm writing so I best just leave it there.
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