I think I'm starting to have some level of control over how I'm feeling in the mornings now. I'm not crying so much. Although going to bed is still tough, I just need to stick something on to watch until I just can't stay awake any longer.
Maybe it's because I have some time in Glasgow to look forward to, starting tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to going home, meeting up with friends and family and laying some foundations for building my future back up there. So all in all it should be a good trip.
I think my "stock" in the office here is at an all time low. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I sense the way people are looking at me and the way people are asking other members of the team for help and/or assistance that my standing has slightly dropped. Not that I'm hugely worried about it, I just keep thinking that if *they* make a decision it means I don't have to make a decision. They sack me, I go home...everyone's a winner.
Of course I don't want that to happen, I want everything to be on my terms. Under my conditions. I guess there is some psychological term for it, but I would reckon it's just some sort of defence mechanism. My mind knows that the status quo is under some sort of threat, so it rationalises everything out. Culminating in the fact that in the worst case scenario I'll be ok. So... Fuckit.
Oh...I guess I should also put in a wee update on DAY 3 in the My Ranting house. My mate sorted out a wee TV, but with no sound. Then with a huge amount of ingenouity managed to sort sound too. I made some pizza while he did this. Then we had a few games of Pro Evo which I won convincingly 5 games to 1.
Maybe staying with someone isn't going to be too bad after all.
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