So I went to the work thing the other night. I'm really pleased with how it went to be honest. Firstly, I didn't get *too* pished, and secondly I took my guitar, and I had a fuckin great time. Playing, singing for everyone - everyone appeared to really enjoy it. I think they did, but either way, I did. I fuckin' loved it. I felt pretty low the next day, I guess to do with boozing and just needing a sleep. But apart from that, I'm ok.
I feel like I'm loved in the company again, I never did major ass kissing at all, but I think I impressed enough to get them back on side. All I need now is to make them money again and I'm laughing! Ha...
It's 02:07 right now, I mentioned before that the time this is posted won't say that so you'll just need to take my word for it. I can't sleep, I don't know what's wrong. I don't know how I feel, I need a girl for sure. This bed on your own business is fuckin' more depressing than anything. I guess it doesn't help when you start thinking about the impossible. Something you really want, but something that can't ever happen. Fuckit, what you gonna do.
This is part two of this entry, I never finished/posted the first half at 2 am this morning and it's now 10:17 am and I'm sitting in the office. I didn't get to sleep until around 3.30/4am, so I'm fuckin' knackered. I'm only going to kick around here for another half hour or so, as I've managed to swing a wee day at home because I'm getting stuff delivered. Don't get me wrong, that's not a lie. I don't *really* need to be there, but I could really do with a wee sleep before the football tonight. Looking forward to it tonight, hopefully we can kick on from last week and get ourselves a win.
Looking forward to my "session" on Wednesday too. I've been feeling a bit better about things this last week since I went before. Not "flying" or top of the world. But better than shit. Which I guess is progress... I think I just feel better knowing that I'm doing *something*, that regardless whether this shit is going to make me better or not, that there is a chance it could be better. I'm not just going to drift along at the same level, or steadily decreasing level. Like Friday night was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. I loved the fact that I felt I was entertaining people, but not in my usual "trying to be funny" way. I tried to curb that somewhat. I still did that initially, I tried to make people laugh. But I felt better when I was just singing, like... I felt that I wasn't "performing", that I was just being me. Not like when I try and play the funny drunk guy. Fuckit, that probably doesn't make any sense, but who gives a fuck. This is just a blog.
It's really made me want to practice more and become better, especially before the next work thing. There's another guy in the company who is a fucking *amazing* musician
This is the third part of this entry, split over 3 days. Weird. See, I don't know why, but I always write out my post in notepad (have I mentioned that before? Don't think so) ... yea... I always write it out in Notepad, then copy and paste it into the blog. Strange, but that's what I do. I also keep all the .txt files as well. Despite the fact they're all stored as individual xml files on the server. Strange I know....but fuck you. I'll decide.
Played another game of football last night, played quite well and got our first win of the season. I got Man of The Match from the opposition too which was pleasing.
Still missing having a burd, been texting and conversing with a couple. One that I really like, and another that is just good for the sport in all honesty. Fuckit, see what happens.
Have another appointment with the...I hate saying it, Therapist?! Fuck knows... but I have another appointment anyway. Quite looking forward to it. This last week I've felt as good as I've felt for a long time. Scaling the dizzy heights of "not shite" I guess.
It's a start, hopefully I can keep it going, the football, the not boozing so much, the guitar...the pursuit of happiness? Fuck knows... Ill stick with the pursuit of "not shiteness" for now.
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