Just back from the doctors. Had to hang around for a bit longer than I expected but nevermind. I feel pretty bad for dismissing the Doctor so readily just because he was a guy. He was actually pretty cool. Listened to what I had to say etc...
I told him I didn't really want pills, although if that's what it took to make me feel better than I'd do it. I also brought up the CBT shit and asked about that. He said that on the NHS there is a huge waiting list for it and it would take around 6-8 weeks to get a 30 min appointment with someone. So I asked him about Private practice. He reckoned it would be around £40 a session(In real terms around half a night in the boozer), so I think I'm going to go down that route. Maybe if that can be my substitute for boozing then it's a good thing. And in reality what can you really buy for £40 these days?!
So... He's going to speak to a few people and give me a call back sometime this week and we can get that particular ball rolling. At least it's a start.
I feel better for having taken these steps. But when I think about it, the best thing I can do for sure is to not drink and to do more excercise. Why can't I just fuckin' do it? My life would be exponentially better. Is it because I want to be like this maybe? Do I really *enjoy* this wallowing/self indulgence? Woe is me etc...??
Fuck knows, I don't think so, but then if not then why am I not doing something about it. Taking the logical steps to help myself. I always say I'm a logical person. Yet this is easily the most logical thing in my life, and I hide from it?! Fuckin' useless cunt.
Fuckit...
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