Sooooooooooooo.....
That didn't last fuckin long did it? I can't help it though. I've been trying like fuck not to write anything. Then I got an email from a girl my ex in Glasgow. Just really to tell me that her Granda had died. I always liked her Granda, probably the only person in the family who didn't hate my guts. But he was a good old cunt. He was interesting, worth listening to about a subject and would listen to what you had to say to. So... I'll have a wee dram to you tonight, or maybe I shouldn't. They didn't really approve of drinking. Oh well...
Anyway, so... dum dee dum...what was I saying? Yea... I felt like doing a bit of slasher business on myself after I read it. Just a lot of, "You useless fucking cunt, you fucked that one up. You could be happy right now, but noooo.... you decided you wanted to be a fuckin 'lad' and go and get pished and just expect everything to sit and wait for you didn't you, you pathetic useless fuckin cunt"... Something like that anyway. But instead of that, I thought... I'll write a blog entry... Then I thought, fuck... I can't do that either. Fuck fuck fuck... So, I wrote her an *epic* email back. It was actually really good just being normal with her and not like "Hi, I love you. Please let's forget the last 5 years and let's get back together. Thanks... Me x" So I just wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote...
Most of it was probably bollocks, but who cares. It helped me.
It couldn't have been too bad though, cos she replied and seemed pretty happy that I hadn't just sent her a one line email back saying either "Marry Me" or "I fuckin hate you, you've ruined my life. Thanks... Me x"
So, again... I replied with reams and reams of shit. But again, it was good. I said to her that one of the things I missed about her was just talking to her, she's a clever girl and has something to say. But I feel now, after...pffft....5 years? That I can deal with the fact she ditched me. Not bad eh?
Anyway.... Had another appointment with "the woman" today. I think that'll be my last one, I feel like I'm better equipped to handle whatever is thrown it me (within reason!) right now... I can deal with the black clouds, the horrible feelings a wee bit better now... Just by not letting them take root. Not indulging in them.
I think I'm going to be alright.
I dunno what to do about the blog now, I missed writing down all this shit. Not because anyone wants to read it. But because I like writing it.
So... We'll see how it goes.
I got a wee 4 track app for my iPhone, and done some recording. Obviously the quality is pretty shoddy. But I've done a couple, one is from the words I posted here... The song is Stranger In The Mirror. The other song I recorded last night, I tried to write a Happy Song, but it didn't *really* end up like that.
Have a listen, if I become a rockstar you might have some bootleg material you can make money on.
HappySong.mp3 (2.05 mb)
StrangerInThe Mirror.mp3 (2.71 mb)
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