Oh well, at least I tried eh? Back in the game and all that business, but ultimately a futile attempt. I really should have known better. I know I'm a good friend, and a nice guy and all that shite. And I'm a much better friend than "boyfriend". And that's just the way it's gonna have to be. I don't really know what I expected in all honesty. But there were times that I felt it was right, that it was what we both wanted, but I didn't do anything. I guess I'm just not fuckin good at the game. Fuckit...
In all honesty the rejection wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I survived. It's not that bad, I don't feel like running home and getting out a kitchen knife. I guess that's progress. I *did* however snap at some useless cunt in the office. Fuckin wanker. And then had a bit of a ding dong on the phone with my boss. So maybe it's affected me more than I think, or maybe it's just a bad day.
Nah, I'm cool... dented ego, sore leg and pissed off with work. Nothing I can't deal with though.
Fuckit...
I feel like I'm 15 years old and at school again, it's fuckin pathetic. But at least it's dealt with I guess. And I guess it's better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't done.
Fuckin hell, I've just realised really how irritable I am today. A guy just walked past and I thought "what a fuckin cunt" just because of the way he walks. Maybe not just that, but not enough to warrant him being a cunt. This whole business with my mama too is fkn getting to me, fuckit... I just wanna fuck off somewhere for a bit. Just get on a plane and disappear somewhere, work in a bar, play guitar...fuck knows...anything... I need something in my life other than worrying about shit - money, family, work, how a fuckin site template is supposed to work with parameters in Sharepoint and then explain to my boss that it's not as easy as he fuckin thinks... Cunt.
Ahh fuckit, I guess I'm not ok, writing all this shit down proves that I think. I'm a fuckin shambles, I feel like breaking something. Fuckin' anything. Just give me a fuckin excuse.
Fuckit...
Cunts
[edit] In fact... fuckit, I am ok. This is normal right? I've had a wee shit day and I'm pissed off... It happens right? This isn't because I'm ill, or depressed or anything dramatic like that. It's just been a shit day so far. I'll get over it, I'll go home watch the football, have a tommy tank... try and do some work. Shake this all off and get some sleep. Maybe play guitar and write a masterpiece.
Fuckit... Yea, I'm ok. I done the right thing, it didn't work out, I'm gonna feel shite about it for a couple of days maybe, but so fuckin' what. It happens to everyone. I'm not a unique, delicate snowflake. I'm just another wanker that decided he liked a girl but it wasn't right. Big fuckin' deal... I'm sure it'll happen many more fuckin times in my life.
Fuckin' deal with it. Yea?
Yea...
Good... Cunt...
[/edit]
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