So.... Glasgow was a complete, unadulterated, fucking disaster. I never achieved anything that I wanted to do while I was up there, I never shagged the girl I wanted to shag. I hooked up with a girl I didn't really want to, and I fell out with who could easily be described as my best mate.
But apart from that it was grand.
With regards to my mate, I just made a complete arse of it. I was pished and as usual decided that my opinion was the only one that mattered in something that ultimately doesn't concern me in the least. It was fuck all to do with me and all to do with him and his future, yet I did my usual and thought that I was the voice of God. Fuckin idiot.
Thing is, I've known him for like, 14/15 years and we've never really fallen out. I have mates that I fall out with on a regular basis, so it's easy to just get back on track with them. But this guy, fuckin hell... I just didn't know how to make it better. I sent him a text and apologised, we kinda agreed that we'll just forget that we ever started talking about the stuff we did, and leave it at that. I am worried though that I've put a huge gulf between us now though. Fuckit... my own fault.
I feel like I'm really slipping right now. Into what I don't know, but I feel like I'm falling, and I've got fuck all at my back. No one to catch me. No one to look after me. And it's getting to me. I cried almost all the way from Glasgow to Carlisle on the way down the road. I just didn't want to come back here. But I didn't really want to stay in Glasgow either, I just want to go to my bed - I was gonna say "and not wake up", but that's cliched, melodramatic pish. I want to go to my bed, and sleep for a long time. And when I wake up I won't have this fuckin feeling that envelopes me every fuckin day. This fear that lives with me for no reason, I don't know what I'm scared of, but I feel fuckin scared and hollow.
I came back to work yesterday, and I can sense my stock is even lower than it was before I left, so I'm doing what I can to rebuild it. I've pretty much decided I'm not going to let them sack me, so I need to start contributing more. Becoming more chargeable and make them some money again. I also need to start making sure I'm learning more, if I'm going to go back to Glasgow at all.
Things at home aren't too bad actually, although it has only been a couple of nights I've been living with my mate. We're getting on pretty well, just need to see how it progresses. But so far so good.
Fuck knows....fuckit....pfft...
Be the first to rate this post
- Currently 0/5 Stars.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5