Went and got pished yesterday as expected. Went to watch the football with my housemate, had a few beers and came home. Then another friend called me up to see if I fancied a few pints. Which of course I did.
He's not really in a happy place right now, I was kinda half-jokingly blamed for him drinking and for another mate gambling. I guess I see where they're coming from. I like a bit of both, although individually they like both more. But still, I never forced either of them to drink or to throw money on a horse or a dog. But I do feel quite bad about it. I don't want them to feel shit or be in the shit because of something I've done, either directly or indirectly.
I got a text from that burd in Glasgow yesterday, asking if I wanted to catch up last night (I never told her I lived down south). It was enough to pick me up a wee bit, the fact that she was interested enough to go to the effort of texting me. She sent me another couple throughout the night too. Enough for me to put my scalpel away for the night. (That was a joke, I wasn't really going to do that).
Anyway, so I got pretty fuckin' pished. But happy pished. It was a good laugh, I had a good night. We were speaking about the level of pishedness(is that even a word?!) that you get to and you feel on top of the world. You have clarity. Everything seems fine, your troubles are gone. Why can't I just have that as "normal"? My normal setting. Instead you drink on and on and the happy feeling starts to dissipate pretty quickly. If you could invent a drink that made you stay at that level, with no hangover/comedown you'd be a rich man in no time.
I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, be interesting to see how it goes. Can't say that I'm hugely looking forward to having to explain my feelings and shite to yet another person. Maybe this will be it though, the one! The guy who will be able to put me right.
I won't hold my fuckin' breath.
Fuckit...
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