Why the fuck do I bother?  Huh?....  I'm just a useless fuckin cunt.  I can't make a decision on what to do about something, what I want from something... Or more likely, what I think the outcome of something will be.  So what do I do... make a decision and go for it? Maybe think about it some more before coming to a decision?... Or do I just sit in the fuckin office and cut my arm with a pair of scissors(in my defence, I didn't think they'd be as sharp as they were).  I think that single act just proves that I'm too much of a fuckup to face a proper grown up relationship right now.  Nothing has even happened and I'm still a fuckin' mess.  Still I'm not able to deal with things rationally.  The fear of rejection is the overriding feeling right now.  If I do nothing then there's no chance of rejection and everything drifts along just nicely and I can drink and cut myself and moan about how unfair the whole business is and how I could have whatever I wanted but I'm choosing not to, making excuses not to and blah blah blah fuckin blah....bollocks, bullshit...useless bollocks cunt...

I know I'm not alone in this game, I don't know anyone who is an expert.  But at least some people have the balls, the arrogance, the...whatever, to at least take a punt.  Have a go, see what happens.  I just pop more pills and moan about my sore leg and how things would be different is x was like this, or y was like that.  And I just go on and on and round and round in this fuckin' shitey circle that never ends. 

It's true what I said before, I'm going to end up an old bitter, creepy man that lives on his own and scares children with his nasal hair.   I'll probably have a dog, even though I hate the fuckers, just because I will have failed in my attempts to have any kind of relationship with my own species. 

It's a big sack of fuckin' shit, and I have no one to blame but my own useless, putrid ineptitude as a fuckin human being.

Fuckit all to fuck...