Feeling not too bad again today. Had a bit of a rough one yesterday afternoon. I guess it had been coming, but eventually the work that I was struggling with got taken off me and "redistributed". I should have dealt with it myself. Obviously I should have done the work, but when I realised that it wasn't exactly going to plan I should have made it known, and organised the redistribution myself. Instead of letting it get to the stage that someone else makes the decision.
Fuckit...What you gonna do...
I think it might have been enough of a shock for me to kick me in the right direction. As I sat and finished everything I needed doing for the rest of the day. Work that should really have taken me until the end of today. Fuckin' typical. I just need to make sure I keep going with this work ethic. (No not *THAT* work ethic)...
I felt fuckin shite when it happened yesterday though, like the ultimate confirmation that I haven't been working as I should and can do. I've done a fair bit this morning though, before I took a break to write this shite.
We have my housemates nephew coming to stay for the weekend. He's not a bad wee guy, but I think I'll try and keep out of the way for most of it. Nothing against them both, but I just can't be arsed with the cunts.
I've been out and about most nights this week, so I'm actually looking forward to just having a couple of nights in this weekend. A friend of mine was talking about coming round tonight and also for the football tomorrow. I forgot about our visitor though, so who knows what will happen. Either way I think I'll stay in, play guitar and try and put some music to these words.
I was talking to my old man and my mate about "getting better"... If I am getting better, then I want to write loads and loads of shit while I'm in this frame of mind. First of all to see if it is the case that people are more creative when they feel like this, but also so I can read everything, have songs, stories, poems that I can look back and remember how I was feeling, which I hope will allow me to have more control over it. Be able to recognise when I'm slipping, and do something about it. Bleh....does that even make sense?! Fuck knows...
Maybe you've noticed, but I haven't been writing about my head issue much. (The only "head" issue I have right now is not getting enough...boom boom)...
But yea, it seems to be subsiding somewhat. Not totally gone, but not as bad as it was.
I also haven't written about 5-a-sides. I never played on Monday because I wanted to try and finish this work, but fucked that up in any case. I should have just played. I'm getting pissed off with the whole thing in all honesty. Fuck sake, the politics of it all are fuckin' ridiculous. We should play the best players we have when we can, and that's that. It's almost like fuckin' kids football where the parents complain of wee Jimmy doesn't get his alloted time on the pitch as "we pay the same as the rest".
What a sack of shite.
Anyway...fuckit... Not much to say today and I've written loads. Maybe I shoulda been a politician.
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